I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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