took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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