I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize