Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
