A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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