after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
