No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
