i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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