Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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