if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
