she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
