I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
