The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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