dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
