btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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