I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Too much gin, very little bucket
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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