I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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