The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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