This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my liver is dry heaving
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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