Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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