it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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