We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
