You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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