TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this just has baby written all over it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
