Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
