Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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