big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
