thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
