You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
