how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
