making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
