She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
