i think my tv is drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize