I wish they made helmets for livers.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
