I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
