his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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