Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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