i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
