9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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