Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
