i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
