i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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