after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
