the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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