Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
