So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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