so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
