pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
