Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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