Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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