After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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