so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
