JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
