Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
