This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
