Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
