sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dear god my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize