I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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