I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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