Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
