I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
