Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize