i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the jesus of drinking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
