I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
