Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
