he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Say something about gay babies.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize