HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
