Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize