i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
